Tagged: satire

Does God ever get sick of fame and attention?

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Why Marriage is a Plot Hole – Pun Intended / Monogamy is a McGuffin

How Society Failed 90s Kids (Generation Y, Generation X, Generation Z) Gen X, Gen Y, Gen Z Millennials

“n” as in…

What is a good “N” word that is easy to decipher as the “N” word, y’know when you’re spelling it out for someone on the phone?

I don’t know if anyone else has ever suffered from this, but I always get flummoxed when it comes to the “N” word.

Due to the social conditioning and heft embodied in the “N word,” I can’t help but think of the actual “N word” whenever I’m trying to come up with a word that is easy for the party on the other line to discern.

I had an incident today, where I was in the middle of spelling out a word, and I was like, “‘N’ as in… ” and I thought of Nigeria, and I loathed myself for being so predictable. Then I thought of “nail,” which sounded too close to “mail,” and thus accomplished nothing to distinguish an “N” word from an “M” word.

And then I thought of “Nordstrom,” which was like gah… ’cause in my OCD mind, I wanted to come up with a non-name of something. “Norway” and “Nagasaki” occurred to me as well. And then I thought of “nonstop,” but figured I could do better… ugh… then I came up with “naked,” which was also a loaded word… god I hate myself…

Finally the party on hold was like, “Nancy.”

Fudge me.

The phone call ended shortly thereafter, but I still felt hung up by this n-ignmatic conundrum, plunging me into a rabbit hole that ended with “Nintendo,” “Ninja Turtle,” and “nothing.” The phonetic alphabet also ascribes “November.”

desensitization

Mashmallows are still on the lawn, even though it rained hot cocoa last night just like every other night.

I tell this to my neighbor. I say, “The marshmallows never melt.”

And my neighbor says, “Yeah, that’s how it is over here,” and a winged horse with a horn on its head appears behind him.

And I say, “Oh look, there’s a pegacorn.”

And without bothering to turn around, he says, “Yeah, they’re around.”

a very golly winter

I ask the uber driver how he likes marshmallows.

And he says he doesn’t. Apparently, gollylanders hate marshmallows.

They dread the winter.

I say I’m surprised more people here don’t like marshmallows. I say, “I’ve only met one person who liked marshmallows.”

And the driver says, “I have not met that person.”