I’ve started thinking of ending it with Phil for good because he’s a hack.
Not counting the fact, of course, that my five favorite books of all time are probably by him.
But in gollyland, you’re only as good as your last book I’ve read, which happens to be Transmigration of Timothy Archer.
And yet, when the library closed for construction and I had to resort to an ebook, I took it as a sign to pick up another of Phil’s, the hardcopy of which has eluded the LAPL database.
Get your shit together, LAPL!
About fifteen pages later, I like it, and I like it a lot. It reads like Phil actually gave a shit this time. I’m still keeping my expectations in check. You must when romancing Philip, and his other cajoleries in the archives of What-Have-You-Done-For-Me-Lately-Cum-You-Call-This-Love? are Counter-Clock World, Game-Players of Titan, A World Jones Made, Radio Free Albemuth, the vastly overrated Valis, and Ganymede Fuckin Takeover – and did I say Ganymede Fuckin Takeover? – each of which once offered similar gold tin foiled Kisses that started as Hershey’s, ended as Judas’.
And stop blaming it on the drugs!
No more excuses, Horselover Fat. Not another misstep.
I can only give back what you give me, and it’s your move.
I wake up in the afternoon and the first thing I do is call Mom.
She answers, and I say, “Did you go to the library?”
She says, “Yes-“
I say, “Did you get my new books?”
She hangs up, and I hear her footsteps. The door opens to Mom, looking down at me on the mattress, and she says, “I tried to put you on speaker, but I ended up hanging up on you.”
She always does that.
I say, “Did you go to the library to pick up my new books?”
And she says yes, but it was undergoing construction. She says, “It looked like they were doing something inside. There were also kids outside waiting for their parents, because it was closed.”
I never received any email notifications about the library being closed, just ones notifying me that my holds have arrived.
I say, “Are you sure they were closed and the kids weren’t waiting for their parents after they had been inside the library?”
Mom says, “Yes, I tried opening the door, but it wouldn’t. And there was a sign that had the date for how long they were closed.”
I say, “When are they closed until?”
She says, “I didn’t read the last date.”
I say, “How could you not read the last date? I have books reserved and I need to know when to pick them up.”
She says, “I just glanced at it and was like, ‘They’re closed.’”
I say, “Well, I’ll have to call them now.”
She says, “Okay.”
She leaves, and I call the library but nobody picks up and there’s no option to leave a message and the regular hours have not been updated with any new information. So then I call the second nearest branch and after the fifteenth or however many rings, they inform me that my default branch is closed until Tuesday but that I won’t be penalized for any holds.
I text Sister this revelation, and she texts back.
U tell them they need to hold it for u
Call them w ur library card m demand that they transfer it to Pio Pico say u fucken got out of work early to pick up books bc u got a vmail notifying u to pick up ur holds
Tell them u wasted gas and time u could have gotten paid for
Call Pio Pico now
They don’t give a fuck
And tell them to change the status of ur books so u can get them at Pio Pico u refuse to wait until Tuesday to find that u owe money plus ur books go away
There a government entity their attitude is take it or leave it
Well that’s the only thing that can be done now and if u don’t wanna do it then ok
You’ve clearly never dealt with librarians if you think you’re going to get anywhere with that kind of approach
I’m trying to give you a solution. Anyway there’s no point in you complaining to me about it what can I do for you I’m all the way in I’ll Hambra
I can give you their phone number if that’s what you’re asking (213) 368-7647
Are you stupid do you think I have time for this
I never asked for the phone number
I don’t know why you would bring up you’re in Alhambra as if location is an obstacle
At some point, I’ll have to get up from the mattress and start my day.